- A child with a disability is a child with a special ability -

Forgotten fathers?

In most cases a child has one main carer either the mother or the father. This may be that one of the partners has a full time job, or many other reasons. It is naturally accepted that a mother can take care of her child/children but even in this day and age people have their doubts about a father performing the role of a mother. Why: Are fathers less able to care for their child? NO!

Are fathers less capable of giving their child the love and attention that a child needs? NO!

It is time that professionals realised that a father is as capable and in some cases more than the mother is. With some families the mother is the main career for the child/children. When this is the case the fathers often are overlooked. People are quite willing to offer support to a mother with children especially when that child has a disability or special needs. What about the dad?

The father may not be the main career of the child/children but he has feelings too. So why is it that not many people recognise or try to understand a fathers point of view? Are you a father of a child who has a disability or special needs?
· Do you feel left out when decisions have to be made for your child?
· Do you find that your wife/partner no longer seems to have time for you?
· Do you find it difficult to express your own personal feelings and worries?

There are a lot of fathers out there that feel this way. And the one thing most men are guilty of and that is they do not know how to express themselves or they refuse to.

They can cope they are not single parents, they have each other for support."
Just because both parents are together, this does not mean that they will be able to cope better than a single parent family. Although both parents are living together, the lack of communication can at times make it seem as if they are both totally on there own. It is quite possible for two people to go through something together but they cope with it in a totally different way.

Just because one of them or both are seen as coping quite well with their child's disability, it does not mean that they have accepted and understand the situation. It may be that one or both are just putting on an act so they are not seen as incapable. No one can see what goes on inside another person's mind and no one can know what he or she is thinking unless that person wants you to know.

The stress of dealing with a child's disability can cause problems between partners, and in some cases may even cause the family to split. In a lot of cases this could be avoided if only couples learnt to talk to one another. They could then support on another more.

They also need to be honest with each other but mainly they need to be honest with themselves. A lot of couples refuse to tell each other what their really feeling, in fear that they might be adding extra strain on their relationship and an extra worry for their partner.

In most cases when couples do not communicate it gives out the wrong impression. A relationship can become strained when there is only one partner who is willing or capable to express them self, as after a time they may begin to feel that it is only them that really cares about the well being of their child.

They may feel that it is only them that have feelings and emotions. They may begin to think that the other partner is either not interested or has no emotions or feelings about the situation. When both partners refuse to communicate the situation may become so difficult between them as in time they may both be led to believe that they are on their own with their concerns.

The reality in most families is that both parents share the same concerns, they just deal with them differently. Talking your feelings through with your partner can help you to understand each other. It can also be a big relief to know that you are not on your own with your concerns. Talking can be one of the best ways to show your support to each other.

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